Where Are My Open Arms?

I drove home today, trying to fight back the tears, but the closer I came to home, the more they began to flow. I cried for my Aunt, who is very sick in the hospital, and who I can not bear to live without. She is like a second Mom to me. She is there when I need a Mom and can't seem to get the words out to my own. She tries to understand me, and help me understand my family. But now she is ill, and I have not gone to see her yet. I feel like an asshole for not joining my mother Friday night at the hospital, or for not taking the time away from horseshow prep to go to the hospital this weekend. She is in ICU now and I am so utterly scared that my chance has passed.

I drove home craving someone to cry to, someone who would let me curl up next to them and would just be there for me. I need someone who will hold me, non-judging.....just there for me. But I go home, and I am alone. I ran through my mind, searching for a name...for someone I could call, someone I could trust. I have friends, they love me, but everyone has his/her own life to live. I do not have someone who considers me the top priority, nor anyone I consider to be mine. I am alone when I walk into my house. I am alone when I crawl into bed......I am alone and I am scared.