Tired Eyes?

My eyes are swollen and dry, not because I am lacking in sleep, but because I once again cried myself to sleep. I guess my eyes are tired, tired of shedding so many tears, tired of being wiped or splashed with cold water. Another pair of contacts ruined....and why? Does it matter? I tried to explain why I was upset last night, but all anyone can say is that I should just get over what I can not change. So easily said, isn't it?

I have found that when the reasons for my upset seem to pile up, one thing on top of another, they almost negate each other...running into one large damaging time in life. Lately it seems each time I stand tall, ready to move on, I get smacked back down by some event. This is life, is it not? These feelings invade all of us at one time, varying in times and intensity. I would like to "just get over it" and move on, concentrate on the good, and just be happy with what I have. Maybe next week, but this week I am going to just concentrate on work, with the anger, bitterness and sadness festering inside. I have cut off most communications with my friends, if only to avoid the "how are you?" or "what have you been up to lately?". I prefer not to bullshit my way through that answer with short responses with no real information, nor do I want to share the truth. I am lonely right now, so I am choosing to be alone. I have endured ups and downs my entire life, this too shall pass.

Next week I will take the messages stating how good of a person I am or what an amazing asset I am to my company to heart. I will appreciate an old friend saying that an email from me brightened his day, I will be proud when my co-workers thank me for all my help. Not right now, not today, not this week....but soon, I have to believe in the future, as it comes sooner than one can expect, hopefully bringing positive change and room to grow.