Afraid of Me

I saw Nicky again today. He seemed better, but the fear in his eyes was dreadfully apparent. I was "saved by the bell" when his nurse came in and asked us to give them 10 mins to wash Nick...I was about to cry.

Ka asked me what would happen if Nicky did die. He would be ok, he believes he will go be with his family and his God. So, what would happen to the rest of us, what would happen to me? I don't know. I just don't know. I guess that is what I am afraid of. I do believe Nicky is strong and will fight as hard as he can. My trouble is, I do not believe I am strong. I am scared because I do not know how I will react. In honesty, I suppose I do not believe in myself. Am I selfish to be worried about myself?? I think I am, but I would willingly take all the fear and pain if it would help my friend. I want to do something for him.....but all I can do is care.

I am convinced that the connection between all of us in the Universe is very powerful and the positive feels and love that all Nicky's friends and family have toward him can help to make him better. I believe in my friend, I believe in my love for him. He will win.