Not-So-Perky Thoughts

I haven't posted in awhile, but not due to lack of thoughts streaming through my mind. I have been in a terrible "funk" lately, and am really getting sick of myself. Today's quote of the day from Google at first appeared very pessimistic and sad to me, but the more I read it the more I agreed. Does this make me pessimistic and sad?

"There are people I know who won't hurt me. I call them corpses." - Randy K. Milholland

I guess I am getting that feeling of wanting to escape people, hide in the woods or on a deserted beach and just be alone. I learned in the past that being alone does not make one lonely and I have always felt the loneliest with people around me. Sad fact....

Something good did happen recently. I finally met a very great person face-to-face this past weekend. She and I talk just about everyday online, but had never met, and I am thrilled that after spending a couple evenings with my company, she still is talking to me. :P She is a good friend, I am lucky to have her in my life, even from a far distance.

Spring is here. I am trying to leap into excitement mode. I have been working my horse a bit, and that makes me feel better. I increased my workouts on the treadmill...hoping to see some better results.... without killing myself falling off of it. I will admit I went to the doctor on Tuesday and I have gained some weight since last year. Not much, but just a small amount is enough to throw me into a tailspin. I work so hard to get fit, seems to never be enough. Friends and family have said it's muscle mass, not fat, and that I am thin enough, but for someone who suffered from years of ridicule for being obese, I can not seem to wrap my mind around this currect weight gain being a positive thing for me. I look in the mirror and I do not see something positive, but I am at least trying to see a work in progress. I do not want to be the rail-thin, frail looking girl walking down the street. I want to be fit, I want to run miles without tiring, I want to go hiking or biking without having to rest until I am done. I will get there someday, that I promise.