My Niche
I met an artist tonight. Her name is Rachel Maguire. Check her out at http://www.rayarray.com/. She is a very nice, intelligent person and I enjoyed talking with her. She has a lot of dreams and ambitions, but also the drive to get there, and I whole-heartedly believe she will. Listening to her talk about where she wanted to be in the future made me wish I had such ambition. I don't know where my niche is. I love art, music, writing, animals, science....and though I have some talent in each, I don't know where my heart and soul lie. Though it can be fun to dabble in many different aspects of life and learning, I would like to be able to have someone ask me what I do and have a straight, confident answer. I am a musician, I am a photographer, I am a novelist or a journalist, or any number of professions involving animal care. I can't answer that question at the moment because my "job" is not where I want to be. It pays the bills.
I was a good girl, I did what was expected of a smart young lady growing up in Milton, Massachusetts. I went to school, maintained good grades, graduated high school and went on to college. I didn't know what I would study in college, so I chose biology....close to animal studies I guess. Mom says I should have majored in business or something which would have positively landed me a good job out of college. I could have done that and would have done well, but I would not have had any interest and certainly no enthusiasm. I enjoy my science, biology, math, chemistry. I am intrigued while reading MSDS' on different chemicals or products. I revel in calculating the percent chlorine in a chemical formula. I am a science geek.
Maybe I just do not stick with anything long enough, strive for any goal with enough vigor. In middle school, my music teacher attempted to tap into my musical abilities, both in hearing all the intricate parts of a musical piece, to singing to playing either the piano or the guitar. I loved it, she was a great teacher, but then she became ill and died of breast cancer. She made me feel confident in mytalent, but without her it seemed to fade. I wonder what would have happened if I continued.
My senior year of high school I had an english professor who forced me to write to my best potential. He would pick on me, make me rewrite everything and would not let me stop until it was perfect. It was not about grammar (though I can get anal about grammar still), it was about the content and methods of expression. He made me want to write better and he helped me realize how much I do enjoy writing. My trouble lies when I try too hard to write, I will inevitably be plagued with "writer's block" and it will drive me nuts until I accept it is not time to write. What if I had gone into journalism??
I learned my talents with animals working at an animal shelter and then a riding stable. I have an eye for diagnosing medical issues and a sense for how the particular animal is feeling and why it reacts in a certain manner. I absorbed anything that was taught to me and sometimes would amaze myself at what I could learn in such a short amount of time. I am still learning, it will never stop and I thank the animals in my life for whatever knowledge I obtain and for selflessly sharing their lives with me.
So as I sit and write, I hope to miraculously come up with some answer to my own question, but it has not come. Maybe I need to travel, see more places, meet different people, find something that ignites that spark. I feel trapped in the "expected" life of responsibility I have right now, but I will do what I have to do for the moment. My time will come.......
I was a good girl, I did what was expected of a smart young lady growing up in Milton, Massachusetts. I went to school, maintained good grades, graduated high school and went on to college. I didn't know what I would study in college, so I chose biology....close to animal studies I guess. Mom says I should have majored in business or something which would have positively landed me a good job out of college. I could have done that and would have done well, but I would not have had any interest and certainly no enthusiasm. I enjoy my science, biology, math, chemistry. I am intrigued while reading MSDS' on different chemicals or products. I revel in calculating the percent chlorine in a chemical formula. I am a science geek.
Maybe I just do not stick with anything long enough, strive for any goal with enough vigor. In middle school, my music teacher attempted to tap into my musical abilities, both in hearing all the intricate parts of a musical piece, to singing to playing either the piano or the guitar. I loved it, she was a great teacher, but then she became ill and died of breast cancer. She made me feel confident in mytalent, but without her it seemed to fade. I wonder what would have happened if I continued.
My senior year of high school I had an english professor who forced me to write to my best potential. He would pick on me, make me rewrite everything and would not let me stop until it was perfect. It was not about grammar (though I can get anal about grammar still), it was about the content and methods of expression. He made me want to write better and he helped me realize how much I do enjoy writing. My trouble lies when I try too hard to write, I will inevitably be plagued with "writer's block" and it will drive me nuts until I accept it is not time to write. What if I had gone into journalism??
I learned my talents with animals working at an animal shelter and then a riding stable. I have an eye for diagnosing medical issues and a sense for how the particular animal is feeling and why it reacts in a certain manner. I absorbed anything that was taught to me and sometimes would amaze myself at what I could learn in such a short amount of time. I am still learning, it will never stop and I thank the animals in my life for whatever knowledge I obtain and for selflessly sharing their lives with me.
So as I sit and write, I hope to miraculously come up with some answer to my own question, but it has not come. Maybe I need to travel, see more places, meet different people, find something that ignites that spark. I feel trapped in the "expected" life of responsibility I have right now, but I will do what I have to do for the moment. My time will come.......
posted by Cairde @ 10:09 PM
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