AHHHHHH,
So I am sitting at work (nothing to do as usual) wondering how to word a blog I need to write. The subject; the flood of negativity eminating from everyone. As I sit trying to figure out if it is all in my head or if something is in the water, I put in, of all choices, a Blues CD. Not quite the best choice to bring about positive thoughts, but hell, might as well go with it. I seem to be going through one of those confused states I am so used to and I hope that sitting and writing what pops into my head will help me figure out what the hell is going on. (So if my blog wanders in topic...well...)
Big B, the bossman, pointed out I have been very quiet lately. I guess I am just in a state of reflection. I told him I was just tired, which is true, I am tired. I am too tired, sick of it. I think I could sleep all day and still feel like this. I also took some cold medicine this morning, tried to blame a cold on my "stuffy head" feeling, but the Dayquil would take care of that. Normally I would just say it is time for a vacation, but I have come to realize that time off from work is not the remedy. The trouble with my current job is that I am left with far too much time to dwell on the day. The trouble with how I am feeling now, is that it really does not have anything to do with me. I am a bit bummed about my lack of funds lately and am bugged at the fact that there is not enough free time to get everything done, but in the end...what else is new? I am worried about my friends and family. I can feel such sadness and/or frustration from them, whether in person or in email or blog form. Along with wanting to be there for them all, I also want to just hide and be left alone. For example, I found I have double-booked my time on a couple days coming up, but would rather not do anything. So now I have to cancel plans with one or two people in order to adhere to a promise to someone else. I hate disappointing people, I hate saying no......one of my "issues". It is hard to be antisocial when one has the need to be helpful at the same time. My own version of multiple personalities I suppose.
D sent me an interesting quote in email, I am hoping it is a turn toward optimism for her in the quest to get into graduate school. I think it is a great quote, so here goes,
"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.' -- Calvin Coolidge"
I have come to realize that my blogging is my form of persistence. I am determined to learn more about myself and about people in general. Humans are so complicated, I think it could be our downfall. We are constantly questioning ourselves, our decisions, our feelings. How many people do we really know who can honestly say they trust themselves? I find that concept amazing, and quite sad. We are so bombarded with the thoughts and opinions of those around us, the ability to sort out what one truely believes for oneself is smothered.
Like I tell Beth when she starts talking about the latest gossip in her town...."so much drama."
So I am sitting at work (nothing to do as usual) wondering how to word a blog I need to write. The subject; the flood of negativity eminating from everyone. As I sit trying to figure out if it is all in my head or if something is in the water, I put in, of all choices, a Blues CD. Not quite the best choice to bring about positive thoughts, but hell, might as well go with it. I seem to be going through one of those confused states I am so used to and I hope that sitting and writing what pops into my head will help me figure out what the hell is going on. (So if my blog wanders in topic...well...)
Big B, the bossman, pointed out I have been very quiet lately. I guess I am just in a state of reflection. I told him I was just tired, which is true, I am tired. I am too tired, sick of it. I think I could sleep all day and still feel like this. I also took some cold medicine this morning, tried to blame a cold on my "stuffy head" feeling, but the Dayquil would take care of that. Normally I would just say it is time for a vacation, but I have come to realize that time off from work is not the remedy. The trouble with my current job is that I am left with far too much time to dwell on the day. The trouble with how I am feeling now, is that it really does not have anything to do with me. I am a bit bummed about my lack of funds lately and am bugged at the fact that there is not enough free time to get everything done, but in the end...what else is new? I am worried about my friends and family. I can feel such sadness and/or frustration from them, whether in person or in email or blog form. Along with wanting to be there for them all, I also want to just hide and be left alone. For example, I found I have double-booked my time on a couple days coming up, but would rather not do anything. So now I have to cancel plans with one or two people in order to adhere to a promise to someone else. I hate disappointing people, I hate saying no......one of my "issues". It is hard to be antisocial when one has the need to be helpful at the same time. My own version of multiple personalities I suppose.
D sent me an interesting quote in email, I am hoping it is a turn toward optimism for her in the quest to get into graduate school. I think it is a great quote, so here goes,
"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.' -- Calvin Coolidge"
I have come to realize that my blogging is my form of persistence. I am determined to learn more about myself and about people in general. Humans are so complicated, I think it could be our downfall. We are constantly questioning ourselves, our decisions, our feelings. How many people do we really know who can honestly say they trust themselves? I find that concept amazing, and quite sad. We are so bombarded with the thoughts and opinions of those around us, the ability to sort out what one truely believes for oneself is smothered.
Like I tell Beth when she starts talking about the latest gossip in her town...."so much drama."
posted by Cairde @ 12:19 PM
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