I dunno……………………

I have been thinking lately about “human nature.” I cannot be the only person confused by people and their actions. I think the holidays make me wonder more because people are even more “dramatic” during these times. Emotions are heightened, whether by excitement or stress. This fact is true, I do run to my animals when I feel overwhelmed by the “insanity” of humanity. My animals are not hypocritical, dishonest, or wrapped up in themselves. Their “honesty” seems to release me from my own confusion and it seemingly slows the world around me to a more acceptable pace, if only for a moment..

I cannot seem to keep up with society and the mind-blowing changes, which seem to occur. I want time to sit back and think about everything, but there is no time. For example, the constant debate as to whether to say Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas. I understand saying “Merry Christmas” to someone who is Jewish is silly, so if I am unsure, “Happy Holidays” works for me. I can see the point of those who have brought up the complaint of religious references during the holidays, but were these holidays not originally based on religious beliefs? I am curious why this year the issue has been blown to immense proportions. Suddenly being “politically correct” is law. I have always tried to be pc, but the little nit-picking is beyond my comprehension and I am left feeling as though attempting to wish someone a nice holiday will be an insult. As if this world were not complicated enough in which to grow up, societal attempts to avoid upsetting people has only caused far more insult that ever imagined.

I wandered around my house Christmas Day while our “guests” sat in the living room (in silence the majority of the time). I could not make idle conversation, holiday or not. I sat and waited for them to eat and finally leave. I have a lot of trouble “faking" my feelings with people. I intensely dislike my sister’s boyfriend, therefore simply saying “Merry Christmas” made me want to gag. I was instructed to not say a word wrong, even if he said something rude. I do not trust myself to stifle my opinions around someone so ignorant and condescending, so I just wandered up and down the stairs pretending to be busy, all the while watching the clock in hopes that it would all be over soon and they would be on their “merry way”. I do not understand how he can come to our house, knowing full well that my sister tells my Mom all the terrible things he says/does to her each day. He knows we hate him, but he sits on our couch, eats our food, opens the presents that my mother begrudgingly buys him, all with a smug grin on his face. What arrogance, it floors me! I was good though, and for my own entertainment, I made a point to say goodbye while he packed up the car. He mumbled a goodbye, most likely sensing the sarcasm in my voice. Oh well, you don’t like it….SCREW!

I don’t think I will ever understand people. I will continue to sit back and watch, trying to figure out at least some of what they are thinking. A co-worker told me I was antisocial because I never want to go out with everyone after work. Maybe I am, but as nice as everyone is, I know most of their concern for me is an act and the rumors fly behind everyone’s back. I like to go out and socialize, but there has to be one person there I feel will be completely honest with me or everything is a lie. Will I say something wrong and have it all come back to haunt me while I work? I have not been here long enough to risk it, maybe I will never be.