Dazed and Confused.....

I feel like a cartoon character who was just clocked on the top of the head w/ a brick, little birdies flying in a circle over my head. If only I had been hit on the head to explain this feeling, instead I sit trying to figure it out. Could it be this cold/flu sickness that my body refuses to give up or possibly the cold medicine? Could be... Or is it the need to figure out the half-assed information given to me at work in order to do my job? Could be, but I am used to that finally. Could it be the emotional rollercoaster ride I have found myself on? I never did like rollercoasters. Give me the merry-go-round anytime.

Yesterday I stayed home almost all day (except for my 20min stint to the bank) and was perfectly happy staying in my fleece bathrobe and slippers all day. I was quite successful in supressing the feeling that I should be doing something productive with my time. I was sick dammit and I was determined to enjoy every minute of it. Today is a different story, today I am supressing the urge to hop onto the highway and just keep driving, see where I end up. It is time for an adventure, if only I could go. Christmas is coming and I would be much happier just going away and ignoring it, returning January 2nd. Happy New Year! :) People are nuts and they misplace their last set of brain cells this time of year. I find myself losing my patience while driving with imbeciles, dealing with people pushing through the mall, standing in long lines to spend money no one has. Me, my truck, my radio and the open road...how nice would that be? What happened to the days when we could travel alone and talk to strangers, without the fear of being sliced to bits by some whacko and fed to fish in a nearby pond.

I seem to have gotten off topic. I guess I just do not want to make any decisions at the moment. My job has the potential to change for the worse in January and that is worrying me. (I know, I shouldn't worry until it happens, but I need to make sure my ass is covered.) I am also thinking about selling my truck to save on gas/loan payments. I hate car shopping...well, I hate spending large amounts of money for anything. I have to decide who deserves what for Christmas.....hate shopping, never know what to buy. I did find one great gift already for someone who will not be expecting a gift, I just could not resist such a perfect find. Now if only everyone else's gifts could fall into my lap. My Mom keeps asking me what I want for Christmas, I tell her nothing. My one desire, a year off to travel around and figure out who/what I want to be when I grow up. Make it a Christmas and birthday present and 2yrs off and that would work for me. :) I am afraid I can not be like my siblings and hand "mommy" a 3-page list of crap I really don't need. I suppose it is not my business, it makes her happy to be able to get them what they want, even if the ingrates don't say thank you and they make her return half of the gifts because they aren't quite right. Doh! Did I say that? Nothing like one big happy family. :)