Three words.......

I have been thinking a lot lately about things I would like to change about myself. One of them is my fear of 3 simple words, "I love you." For some reason, my entire life I have been afraid of those words. I am not afraid of commitment, not afraid to actually love people, but those words are so hard to get out. I wish I knew why. No one in my immediate family says "I love you" to each other. We write it in cards or in letters, but even my Mom and I do not say it to each other. It just feels so awkward. I do love my Mom, and I know she loves me, there is no doubt, so why can't I say it? I do not remember if, growing up, my Dad said it to anyone in his family, so I can not say it has anything to do with him. My mom's sister and her family all say "I love you" to one another, so why won't my Mom? Don't get wrong, I have said it, but each time I do it feels so strange to me. Am I afraid the feeling will not be reciprocated? I do not believe so, each person I have said it to, I am positive loved me as well. There lies my confusion.

Natasha Bedingfield said it well in her song These Words;

"These words are my own
They're from my heart
I love you, I love you
That's all I got to say
Can't think of a better way
And that's all I got to say
I love you is that OK"

Maybe I am not sure it is ok....but being someone who loves as deeply as I do, it hurts me (as I am sure it hurts those I love) that I seem to be forcing myself to muffle out those three words. Someday I will figure it out, someday I will have my answers and not feel like a fool for telling someone how I feel.