Time to Ramble

I am bored today at work. The winter season is fast approaching, (not that one would notice with the 55+ degree weather), so things start to slow down around here. I actually asked one of the Specialists why he has been so quiet, normally he is making me crazy with work. I should have kept my yap shut though, two o’clock came around and he decided to have me set up a job for the next morning. Ah well, it was for a good customer, so no biggie.

I feel like I have something to say. There is a lot of my mind, and they are issues which I am not sure I can resolve and I guess it is getting to me. I did a favor for someone and feel like I might totally get screwed for being too nice AGAIN. A friend of mine is a bit annoyed with me because I am not handling some aspects of my life the way in which she thinks I should. I want to take my time, see what happens. I do not need all the answers right now. Everyone has one’s own pace at which to live and with certain activities in my life, I like to take the slow lane.

Things have been better with Mom. I am not saying we hashed out the issues we have, but at least we are talking in person, rather than simply via email. She is letting me do my own thing and not questioning my every move, which, especially when I am unsure of my own decisions, is best for me. I am seriously rebelling against pressure right now and that is just the way it has to be for a bit. I need my independence, I need to sit back and watch how others affect my life, and realize how I am affecting those around me. The days still pass by in generally the same manner, but I am trying to stay alert and aware of how I feel and why.

Today I feel “blah”. I haven’t been too comfortable in my own skin for the past couple days. Could be PMS, so no point in becoming overly concerned. I am attempting to discern whether there have been any changes in my body shape due to all the exercising I have done. I have been taking training advice and trying to work hard, and I do see a difference, but the pessimist in my does not trust they are good changes. My pants are fitting differently. I would like to believe I am developing the muscles in my lower back and butt, but having my pants tighten on the waist gives me the fear of gaining weight in my lower stomach. I do not have someone who can honestly say, “yes, you do look like you have toned up your behind and are looking fitter.” My back doesn’t hurt nearly as badly any longer, though my hip still slides out of alignment. My legs have gotten stronger, regrettably including my thighs, which I would rather have slimmer rather than more muscled. Will I ever look in the mirror for more than one day at a time and think that I look great? I hope so. Until then, I am going to keep on working out and striving to get better every day.