Eye-Opening Mental Reminder

I awoke this morning with an odd sense of urgency, actually more like panic. This feeling was not overwhelming, just a feeling I had, yet I am unsure as to why. Sadly, this morning was not the first time I woke up to such emotion. In the past I had attributed it to my not wanting to go to work. When I worked at corporate, I hated getting up to go there. I dreaded each week, causing me to lose sleep Sunday nights, even get to the point where my entire Sunday was dreaded, knowing what the next day could entail. Am I there again, panicked about the prospect of going to my job? My current position is not nearly as stressful as my previous employment, but I do not want to come in anymore. I work with good people, and I am good at what I do, but I am not happy. Will coming here become as dreaded as going to corporate? Will I cry Sunday night at the thought of walking through the front door here? I can’t imagine it getting that bad, so where did that rush of urgent upset come from today? I actually had the thought that my body and mind were dreading my morning workout. I have been pushing myself more and hate getting on the treadmill now. It’s important though and I do see improvement, so my lazy body will just have to get over itself.

A lot has been changing lately, but they are changes over which I have no real control. The aspects of my life that I really need to change are up to me. I hate change, I fear change, but I know what is necessary to get me to wake up and look forward to my day. I need to push aside my reservations and dread of making a mistake and jump head first into a new life for myself. I have supportive people around me; I will be ok. These baby steps are not moving me along fast enough, time to lengthen my stride and get a move on.