Not Alone

A very good friend of mine sent me a letter she received from another friend of hers. He is someone that she did not get along with at first, but as they got to know each other and learned some new ways of thinking via a book club, she considers him to be a great person. My friend sent me this letter because it is very inspirational and make great sense. It is especially pertinent to me now, I found out Nicky is back in Intensive Care after some more surgery. I am worried, my optimism waining. I need to accept that though I am upset about Nicky, my life must go on and it is ok for it to do so. Someday I hope to have the clarity that this man has found.

Hi Everyone,

All of you know at least some of the events of my past year, with the rescuing, enmeshment, and my mid life crisis.

I just received an e-mail from one of my new clients, that she is pregnant from an in vitro procedure. I also found out last week that one of my most trusted and oldest friends is moving. Both are important life events, one a new beginning, the other an ending.

How these events are related is that I have finally realized that I can care and be happy or sad about both events. It is just how I feel. How I feel doesn't have to dictate what I do. I can maintain a healthy detachment, to anyone in my life, no matter how important they are or how much I care about them. I don't have to interfere or get "sucked in", yet I can still invest a great deal of energy in the people I am working with and the work I am doing. I can enjoy the work, my life, the connection to people and their lives, yet still stay separate and allow them to make their own way, and allow myself to make my own way.

This is something I have "known" for some time, but knowing and doing and being are not the same thing.

I have spent so much of my life trying to solve other's problems, you have no idea what a relief this is to me.

The important lessons have to be learned several times before you can move on to the next.