Ding-A-Ling

This was my nickname as a kid, kindly prescribed by my dear Mom. Today I was referred to as a "Dingbat". I have heard that before too. I guess I can be somewhat ditzy, the more I have on my mind, the less apt I am to concentrate on one thing and I become very forgetful and lazy in my communication. I am the worst with people I know, my emails have run-on sentences, nearly made-up words and strange topics. I just figure that if someone knows me, they should be able to interpret what I am saying. My online instant messages are the worst. I avoid typing full words as best I can. I do not know why I am like this, apart from sheer laziness or being in a hurried state. I can not physically write anymore, my penmanship is terrible due to so many years at a keyboard.

I have a friend who refers to me as "the dumbest smart person he knows." Depending on the situation, that comment either irritates me or makes me laugh. I know when I am being a ditz, sometimes (more often than not, oddly enough) I am doing it on purpose. The comment irritates me when it is about something that I know about, something common sense to me, but not to another. I think the phrase "common sense" is deceiving. I have found what seems to make perfect sense to one person, makes absolutely no sense to another. I am not dumb, my mind wanders..a bit of ADD. If I choose to focus, I am all there. Sometimes I just do not want to, I do not want to take everything so seriously. I want to get the job done, but play while I am doing it. I guess that concept can be hard to take for some. I do have to try at work to be more "proper" in my wording when writing to other employees. People take their jobs seriously, they want to understand and get it done. This ideal I can comprehend, as I take pride in doing my job well and helping out as much as I can. As far as outside of work....all work and no play make the Dingbat a very cranky girl.

I went to lunch today, craving some sushi and needing some ingredients for a recipe for dinner (made up in my head, by the way), and as I pull away from work, the sense of being completely alone struck me. I can not say it was a sadness or loneliness, but I just felt like there was not another soul around me. I have been feeling lonely as of late, and have therefore decided to be alone. I have not sought out any companionship, just going about my normal routine. I shut my phone off as well. I did not shut it off because I did not want to talk to anyone in particular, I shut it off because I was afraid that if someone called and genuinely asked how I was doing, I would actually tell them. Frankly, you don't want to know. When I can get up and leave the house without a sense of dread, then I will turn my phone back on and be ready to chat.