Beginnings

Life's a changin'. I have decided to take advantage of some recent changes in my life to make it better. I bought myself a present. I never spend money on myself, except when someone else is involved or it's a necessity. Well, I decided that though a new notebook computer isn't a "necessity", I believe it will aid in my new wave of inspiration. I am going to start my own business in the next year. My job is ok, but it is not for me. I was offered a new position at my company, one where I would be in complete control of my day, but I would rather not start something new when I plan on leaving the company completely in the next year or so. I will say, that with each job change I make in the company, I am solicited by the new manager. It is against company policy to solicit a current employee for a new job opening, but each job has come to me in that "illegal" manner. I guess I should be honored to be so well respected as an employee, all the while trying to fly under the radar.

My notebook will travel with me. I will write my thoughts, plan my days and enjoy new motivation. I am excited. I will not let the money go to waste, so I know it will be used and used wisely.....though I now have to quiet the checkbook for a bit to make up some loss.

My horse and I are doing quite well too. We jumped in our lesson last week. I have never been one for jumping, especially after seeing so many people crash in their own soaring endeavors. Capall has never jumped either, but she trusts me and jumped the vertical, even with my trepidation. Two years ago, I thought about selling this horse. I am glad I stuck with her and had a great trainer who loves us both enough to be confident we could do it. I am still working on my confidence in my horse, but mostly my confidence in myself. We will be going to a show at the end of this summer, and no matter how it goes, we will leave there with our heads held high.

Some old friends have reappeared in my life, and I am happy about that. It is good to know I am remembered and still loved after a long absence. I have a lot of friends that care for me, and though many of them are too far away to see even monthly, I know they would be on the next plane if I asked. I have also found myself with some new friends, people who I never quite expected to be part of my life. They are on a mission to make me happy.....and part of the mission includes making a friend of their's happy. We shall see, as we are both stubborn and shy, but just watching people's plots unwind is enough amusement for me.

Last week I was very down. There are a lot of tragic events happening in my life now, but though there is a lot of sadness in me, I need to keep going and keep learning. I looked in the mirror last week and saw someone from years ago, someone who was over-weight and lacking in any self-esteem. I felt like I had failed at so much and things were only getting worse. I have not failed anything. I have accomplished so many things in my life, even in the past few years. I have learned a lot about myself and I am happy with who I am. I am fit, I am healthy and I am beautiful. People like me, and I am going to learn to like me too.

I saw something wonderful the other night. Though it was a sunset, it brought some awakening to me. Enjoy.