Quest for Freedom

There is nothing fun about getting up at 5am to get on a treadmill and run as hard as I can for a half hour. I have gotten stronger, but still every morning wake up thinking.."maybe I can skip today." But I can not, I must do it. I am tired though, life has taken it's toll as of late and I am in a slump. My back is screaming for relief, which my mind can not seem to give it. I have recently increased the speed on my run to 7mph (about as fast as I can go without crashing into the back wall) and as I sprint along staring off into the distance, I feel like if I just keep running, I will finally exhaust that part of me that blocks my deepest thoughts and I will finally be allowed to see the truth. The truth about myself, the truth about my life and the truth of why certain events come about. How hard must I run, how far must I go to have my clarity? I think I will take my own advice, as well as the thoughts of a fellow blogger, and go to the ocean for my clarity. The sounds and smells of Mother Nature's most powerful ally have always helped to clear the fog that envelopes my soul.

I was reminded of how lucky and possibly foolish I can be at times yesterday. A hiker was raped when she went into the same woods I would walk alone everyday when I worked in that area. I was cautious, I paid attention to everything, but there is always the chance. My Mom says that I should never have done that, I was risking too much...but it was my sanctuary. Should I have walked around all the office buildings at lunch, never really escaping the suffocation of corporate life, rather than enjoy my 40minutes of freedom in the woods? I can tell you that I needed those hikes, and occasional sprints through the forest. I need to hear the birds and the chipmunks, I needed to see the deer hiding in the brush, I needed to get away. I was lucky, nothing ever bothered me while I was there. I hate now, that my love of such a wondrous place is destroyed by the actions of one awful person. Will I risk a walk in the woods alone again? Probably.......