A Defensive Hangover

I said some things last night that part of me regrets, not because the statements were not true, but because I was baited into anger and frustration and should have just walked away. I fear that what I said will be taken as hateful and cruel and make this person, whom I would never want to hurt, angry and bitter. I do not like to cause anyone pain, I said what I said to make this person think and realize that I only want the best for him.

I am unhappy. I am unhappy that love and laughter are not enough. I am unhappy that someone I know cares would purposefully say hurtful things in order to make me angry so I will leave. I am unhappy that people cannot just cry, ask for help, not only apologize for past mistakes, but learn from them.

I wanted honesty, kindness, humility, understanding….I wanted a friend. I fear I have lost, given in to someone else’s insecurities and did what was expected and walked away. The only way someone can take the harshest of truths without hate, is to trust the person who tries to convey these thoughts to the best of her ability. I know that now defenses are up and my love and hopes for the best are not trusted. For that I am very unhappy….