Too Bad.....

I am afraid I did something today that I promised myself I would not do, I let someone I care about push me away. This person has gone through a lot lately, but sadly I believe 80% of it at this time is of his own doing. I wanted to help, but was stifled and not allowed to do so and that makes me sad.

How much pushing can someone endure before it is ok to leave? I wanted to be there, to listen, to sort through any problems, but it seems I can no longer do so. KC pointed out that it is no longer my choice, as this person has put up a seemingly impenetrable wall and chooses not to listen to anyone. How do you help someone who does not want to be helped? I guess I can’t. It pains me to have to step away, whether permanently or temporarily, but I must think of my own existence and it is damaged when there is someone choosing to be close-minded and angry in my life. I have been under those circumstances before and as much as I care, as much good as I see in someone, I must face the fact that until this person admits they need help, there is nothing anyone can do. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. It takes strength to not just want to make a change, but to actually do so.
I was angry earlier today, but now I am ok. I see that at least in one case, I did as much as I was allowed for someone. Although I wanted to say, “Go away and never bother me again”, I cannot and will not. My door and my mind will remain open, but I am no fool and without genuine effort from someone who wants me in their life, I will not give up my “now” for them. It is a similar instance for which I get angry with my Mother. She keeps trying to help my siblings, but they are not really trying and only abuse her in the end. My Mom is not present for herself, therefore she can not help them or herself. I am going to do my best to be present in my own life. I will try to not be ruled by emotion, not over-react to someone else’s inability to accept life and live. I am here, that is all I can be.