Trying and Failing.....................

I guess these are part of learning. I am trying to be an adult and make the right decisions, but I seem to be failing miserably, to the point of hurting those around me. Lately I am trying to come to grips with the difference between being supportive of someone you care about or being an enabler of that person. I have been arguing with my Mom a lot about my brother because I believe she is an enabler to him, making excuses for his behavior and doing things for him in order to make his life easier. I understand now how hard it is to just be supportive. I am not any better at it than she is, but because I choose to recongnize when I am becoming an enabler, I become bitter about my own failure. It seems the harder I try to do the right thing, the more I say or do the wrong thing. I guess if I fail, then I will just hope those around me, whom I am trying to do right by, will accept that I am trying and mean no harm.

Is growing up this hard for everyone or am I just a really terrible adult? Maybe I try too hard to do the right things and should just wing it, but in the end, as I have no idea what I am doing, I really am just winging it. It is so difficult to push aside the emotion and the feelings in one's heart to listen to one's mind. Who's to say the mind is correct and not the heart? I have no idea. What I know now is, that in my attempt to "grow up" and do the right thing, I have seeminly ignored the feelings of those people I care about most. I am not a very vocal person sometimes, and now I know why...because I tend to say the wrong things unless given ample time to sort through the topic. I know I am not unintelligent, my mind is just a bit slow on the uptake I guess.

In conclusion, all I have to say is "I am sorry".