Innocence lost.....

I am terribly concerned for my 7yr old goddaughter and I feel like I need to help her. She is hurt and confused by what her dad has done to her Mom and now won't see him. I can understand why she would be upset, but I understand with the mind of an adult. Heather doesn't really understand why she is so angry or hurt, she just feels and doesn't know what to do about it. I get that way myself even now, so to be a 7yr old, it is so hard. The situation with Heather makes me think about my Dad and my feelings towards him. I feel anger and resentment, even today, after so many years. Part of me thinks it is wrong of me to feel this way, as he is my father and maybe he is remorseful for the pain he put our family through, but he hasn't shown any remorse, he isn't even around. Heather's dad is trying, but how can she express to him how she feels when she isn't sure herself what to say and there is nothing he can say to her to make it better. I want to ask my father why...why did you do that to Mom? Why did you betray her, why did you leave us, why weren't we good enough? Would I ask him these questions if I saw him again?? I don't really know. I don't think there is anything he can say to explain it away. I am angry that he left his children, that we aren't important to him, but I am most angry that he hurt my Mom. I think Heather sees the pain her mom is going through and in her mind doesn't want to betray her mom by forgiving her father. She can't understand why her Dad did what he did to her Mom...how could she? She is a child, with no understanding of adult relationships, therefore there is no way to tell her what reasoning was behind what happened. My Dad hurt my Mom so badly that she is still bitter today. I feel like I can never want to see or forgive him, as this would betray the person who loved me when he didn't, who made certain I was safe when he wasn't there. The pain is evident every time Mom thinks of him. She feels guilt for choosing such a lousy father, though it certainly isn't her fault. I take from my past a sense that I can not trust men, a fear even, that men will do nothing but hurt me. I try to erase this feeling from my mind, but after years of hearing this idea, of seeing the mistrust and anger emminating from my Mom, it is imbedded into me. I don't want Heather to become a bitter woman because of the mistakes of one man, even if he is her father. She needs to know that what happened to her parents had nothing at all to do with her or her siblings. It was a relationship between two adults, one that just didn't work.

Heather is the youngest of 3 children, as am I. Part of me always wondered if my birth was the beginning of the end of my parent's relationship, if my coming was just too much strain on my family. I know, most likely my Dad still would have cheated and my Mom still would have ended up hating him, but in the back of my mind that thought still lingers. I understand these thoughts that I have, why they are there, but still can not erase them. They are now part of me. Heather is a child, too young to understand even her own thoughts, so how do we keep them from becoming part of her? I wish I knew. I wish I could tell her it isn't her fault, Daddy messed up, but he loves his children. Mommy will be fine and she will always love you, even if you love your Daddy.....but this hasn't worked for anyone else, so it won't work for me. How do I get a stubborn little girl to break down and express what she is thinking and feeling? How do I help to keep her from erecting walls that will cave in on her in the future, to only give her more scars and cause even thicker walls to be formed?