6:45am on Saturday....
NOT ACCEPTABLE....as far as a time for my sister to call the house. Of course, yesterday it was 5:50am. Why does she call? Good question, just to give my Mom an update on her last 8hrs without talking to her. Other than the fact that I am tired from watching television too late last night, I am annoyed at her constant selfishness. She knows we are sleeping, but her "needs" supercede those of the people in my house. I suppose I should not be angry about it, part of me wonders if she is even capable of understanding why her behavior is so selfish. She has certain mental "disabilities" that make her less capable of rational thought than "normal people." Though, if anyone can honestly say he/she is normal, one is most likely so far from it, he/she should be a case study for undergrad psychologists.
I think this type of behavior from my siblings is the reason for my undending hostility towards them. Mom does not see it. Ignorance is bliss to her. My brother is no better than Kim, both believe Mom's purpose in life is to cater to their every whim. I am honestly awe-struck at times as the length's she will go for them. Don't get me wrong, she does a lot for me and would most likely do more if I ask, but with each aspect of my life she helps me with, I feel like less of an individual, two-fold. I want to do everything for myself. I want to prove that I can. Prove it to me, prove it to my Mom, to everyone. I want to be better than my siblings. I suppose this desire can be seen as simple, childish "sibling rivalry," but I see no problem with wanting to better myself, one of us has to.
I went for a long bike ride last weekend, found myself in Wareham. The desire to find my father's house drove me there. I am not sure why I would want to see where he is, I certainly do not want to speak to him. What would I say? "Hey Dad, remember me?" No, I am all set there. My absence from his life is his own loss. Though I am left with a deep rooted anger towards him, it has not stopped me from loving other men and realizing that he is not the norm. I guess I wanted to find his house just for simple curiosity sake. After thinking about it the long (very cold) ride home, and wondering if there was some great psychological need to see him, I realized it really was just my "nosey" demeanor coming out. I stopped though, and turned around....it is true sometimes what they say, "curiosity killed the cat." This kitty can find more admirable means to face adversity.
NOT ACCEPTABLE....as far as a time for my sister to call the house. Of course, yesterday it was 5:50am. Why does she call? Good question, just to give my Mom an update on her last 8hrs without talking to her. Other than the fact that I am tired from watching television too late last night, I am annoyed at her constant selfishness. She knows we are sleeping, but her "needs" supercede those of the people in my house. I suppose I should not be angry about it, part of me wonders if she is even capable of understanding why her behavior is so selfish. She has certain mental "disabilities" that make her less capable of rational thought than "normal people." Though, if anyone can honestly say he/she is normal, one is most likely so far from it, he/she should be a case study for undergrad psychologists.
I think this type of behavior from my siblings is the reason for my undending hostility towards them. Mom does not see it. Ignorance is bliss to her. My brother is no better than Kim, both believe Mom's purpose in life is to cater to their every whim. I am honestly awe-struck at times as the length's she will go for them. Don't get me wrong, she does a lot for me and would most likely do more if I ask, but with each aspect of my life she helps me with, I feel like less of an individual, two-fold. I want to do everything for myself. I want to prove that I can. Prove it to me, prove it to my Mom, to everyone. I want to be better than my siblings. I suppose this desire can be seen as simple, childish "sibling rivalry," but I see no problem with wanting to better myself, one of us has to.
I went for a long bike ride last weekend, found myself in Wareham. The desire to find my father's house drove me there. I am not sure why I would want to see where he is, I certainly do not want to speak to him. What would I say? "Hey Dad, remember me?" No, I am all set there. My absence from his life is his own loss. Though I am left with a deep rooted anger towards him, it has not stopped me from loving other men and realizing that he is not the norm. I guess I wanted to find his house just for simple curiosity sake. After thinking about it the long (very cold) ride home, and wondering if there was some great psychological need to see him, I realized it really was just my "nosey" demeanor coming out. I stopped though, and turned around....it is true sometimes what they say, "curiosity killed the cat." This kitty can find more admirable means to face adversity.
posted by Cairde @ 7:40 AM
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