Reeling..........

I think one of the greatest causes of mental suffering is having one's mind spinning so fast with thoughts that they can not be distinguished. My mind is full, but I can't figure out what I am thinking, what I know. The confusion is unbearable. My brain can't stop and all I feel is sad.....made worse by not knowing exactly why. Hormones? Possibly. I guess there is no cure for this feeling but time.

I find it amazing that yesterday I was all about what I have learned and today I feel as though I have learned nothing and am wrought with a lack of knowledge. I guess this is normal for most people. We think we understand ourselves and those around us, but then it hits us...we have so much more to discover and understand. I believe what is best for me, at the moment, is to get through the day to day routine, not worry about the past or the future. Contemplating what was and what may be, will only confuse everything. Today I have to do my job, take care of my flooded barn and pay all my bills. I know, fantastically fun sounding isnt' it?! I wonder if I concern myself so much with what those around me do and think so that I don't have to worry about myself and my own problems. This may be just another form of hiding from reality. Everyone has their own ways of avoiding reality....not a bad thing necessarily, unless "escape time" supersedes and exceeds real life. I also wonder if taking on more responsibilities than one can handle is another way of avoiding...letting oneself get overwhelmed to the point of being the proverbial "deer frozen in the headlights". This way nothing gets done, at least not completely. One's job isn't done to the best of one's ability, extracurricular activities are not quite up to par and relationships are only partial (as far as one's mental presence). I have always believed that when in relationships, people will push aside an actual issue and create one that wasn't there, or make something more important than it really is...like admitting the real issue is a weakness or just too hard. Sometimes we can't even distinguish what the real problem is, we just know we need a change and will change what we think we have the most control over. Why we do that, I have no idea.