Smile! It's not that Bad.
I have been feeling very down lately, as if nothing could or will go right any time soon. Today I felt a change. I am not sure when or how, but as the day progressed, I felt better about myself, I felt maybe I would learn from life and make it better.
I laughed a lot at work today. I work with some good people and it is great to be able to giggle like a complete fool and have no one ask you to stifle it. I even "one-upped" one of my company's smartest employees. Good times....
I learned today that I am not alone in being afraid to get to know someone new. I had done my usual, thought the worst, and believed that this person was not interested in getting to know me. After talking to a friend who normally keeps her nose out of anyone's business, I realized that even the most intimidating emotions can be mutual. Fear is a powerful emotion and if allowed, it can hold one back from growing and learning. Fear has held onto me for a long time, but as time passes it only makes me angry and bitter. I believed, at first, that I was angry with those who had somehow hurt me, but in actual, I was angry with myself. In my heart, I know this person is just as intrigued by me as I am of him, but time is on our side. Whether we are destined for a friendship or more, I am in no hurry.
My confidence also seemed to be reborn with the horses. I have been given guardianship of a 3yr old Thoroughbred. He was just recently gelded, so his stallion qualities are quite strong. I did not believe I was up to this challenge, as "babies" and especially stallions can be quite dangerous and I have not dealt with one in a very long time. Canajohari will be difficult. He has the same fresh, defiant attitude as his grandmother, Lilac Domino, but he is young and strong. Yesterday his obstinance hit a high note, he did not want me to bother him, and therefore reared up and struck my leg with his front hoof. I was too close for him to get high enough to do any real damage, but it was startling. Normally this would have frightened or angered me, but I am too tired lately to let this horse flare any more negative feelings in me. Instead, I quietly reprimanded him and continued on with what needed to be done. I was, however, brought closer to the conclusion that I was neither up to such a challenge, nor did I want it in my life. Today, as Canajo tried to intimidate me and refuse to behave, I sternly raised my voice to him and he listened. We have begun to come to an understanding and though it will not be easy, I am confident I can work through my fears and self-doubt. I can help to train this beautiful horse for a woman whose crippling disease stops her from working with him on her own. I see the softness in Cj's eyes that I saw in his grandmother, whom I loved dearly. Maybe he and I will be friends, maybe not, but he will not dominate me. The Boss is back, playtime is over for the new fiery, red-headed baby.
I laughed a lot at work today. I work with some good people and it is great to be able to giggle like a complete fool and have no one ask you to stifle it. I even "one-upped" one of my company's smartest employees. Good times....
I learned today that I am not alone in being afraid to get to know someone new. I had done my usual, thought the worst, and believed that this person was not interested in getting to know me. After talking to a friend who normally keeps her nose out of anyone's business, I realized that even the most intimidating emotions can be mutual. Fear is a powerful emotion and if allowed, it can hold one back from growing and learning. Fear has held onto me for a long time, but as time passes it only makes me angry and bitter. I believed, at first, that I was angry with those who had somehow hurt me, but in actual, I was angry with myself. In my heart, I know this person is just as intrigued by me as I am of him, but time is on our side. Whether we are destined for a friendship or more, I am in no hurry.
My confidence also seemed to be reborn with the horses. I have been given guardianship of a 3yr old Thoroughbred. He was just recently gelded, so his stallion qualities are quite strong. I did not believe I was up to this challenge, as "babies" and especially stallions can be quite dangerous and I have not dealt with one in a very long time. Canajohari will be difficult. He has the same fresh, defiant attitude as his grandmother, Lilac Domino, but he is young and strong. Yesterday his obstinance hit a high note, he did not want me to bother him, and therefore reared up and struck my leg with his front hoof. I was too close for him to get high enough to do any real damage, but it was startling. Normally this would have frightened or angered me, but I am too tired lately to let this horse flare any more negative feelings in me. Instead, I quietly reprimanded him and continued on with what needed to be done. I was, however, brought closer to the conclusion that I was neither up to such a challenge, nor did I want it in my life. Today, as Canajo tried to intimidate me and refuse to behave, I sternly raised my voice to him and he listened. We have begun to come to an understanding and though it will not be easy, I am confident I can work through my fears and self-doubt. I can help to train this beautiful horse for a woman whose crippling disease stops her from working with him on her own. I see the softness in Cj's eyes that I saw in his grandmother, whom I loved dearly. Maybe he and I will be friends, maybe not, but he will not dominate me. The Boss is back, playtime is over for the new fiery, red-headed baby.
posted by Cairde @ 8:50 PM
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